I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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