the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
