wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
