so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
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You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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