Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Randomize
