defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
