Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
