u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
