every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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