last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i drank out of a bidet.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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