remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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