Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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