Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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