and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
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Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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