He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
