Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.