I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.