why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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