So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.