He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
3pm strippers are depressing
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
