Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.