dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
