Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
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We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
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That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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