It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
