apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
