Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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