I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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