I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I AM VODKA MAN
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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