i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
