omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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