I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I am naked and annoyed.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
