So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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