and i looked up. we had an audience...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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