i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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