Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
