my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
