Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
