she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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