i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
