You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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