I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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