Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
