You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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