Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
