Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
