I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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