So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
