Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
