She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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