just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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