I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
