i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
