What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
