Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
