sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
