There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
