just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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