why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
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We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
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If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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