Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Randomize
