I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
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