he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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