You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
