"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
