Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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