so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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