Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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