you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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