he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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