This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
