He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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